Masai's new toy

A middle-aged cat with her new appendage. Kick, Masai, kick! Good cat.

Masai shows that a cat doesn't have to live on black coffee and rice to be healthy and attractive. Power to all fat cats!

The Sixteen Million Dollar Aborted Baby

I'm not sure if this is supposed to a genuine artistic expression of grief, or just another nutter trying to get attention with yet another fabulously wacky eBay auction. This bloke has painted a dead foetus on a sanitary pad, framed it, titled it "Gods Unborn" and put it up for auction on eBay Australia. Someone has apparently purchased it using the 'Buy it Now' offer for $16 million, which is probably bullshit. The tortured 'artist', Ken Magri, has this as the auction description (his writing is as dodgy as his art):

"Unique and original artwork done in acrylic permanent fabric paint. Canvas substituted with womens sanitary pad, depicting a still fetus. The image is framed simply and effectively. The background is an orginal satin sheet which compliments the atmosphere and adds authenticity to the general theme.

This artwork is signed by the artist and a certificate of authenticity shall be forwarded with the artpiece.

The concept is not designed to intentionally cause disrespect, it is simply a concept depicting a part of life, and death and the unfortunate ramifications of the topic on abortion.

I the artist have personal loss due to a ex partner aborting our baby. This is my personal attempt to express my inner and outer feelings and emotions concerning a difficult period of time in my life journey. Also revealing the helplessness and the anger of not been able to prevent a life from non existence. 50 Percent of my sale here will be donated towards a mens charity specifically designed to councel men who also experience this type of grief and loss.

Please be reminded that all bids are legally binding and you are entering into a legal contract. Any fraudalent bids shall be promptly reported and acted upon, immediately. All questions shall be answered to the my best ability, and answered promptly.

thankyou
ken magri"

Click on each photograph to see larger version. If you really have to.


He wants $16 million for that crap? And it doesn't even come with wings?

Size 0 Barbie

This pic's doing the email rounds at the moment.

Anorexic Barbie - Comes with lanugo hair, scales, box of toy laxatives and hand weights!

Press her ribs and hear action phrases such as, "I ate a grape yesterday, and now I feel fat!" and, "Must lose weight, must lose weight!"

It would be funny if there weren't real women like this.

Don't tell Cookster

First there was the Happy Meal in New Zealand that came with a bonus condom, now an eight year old girl in the United States found marijuana, a weed pipe and a lighter in her Shrek the Third promotional Happy Meal box. A 17 year old employee confessed to hiding his stash in the box, which was accidentally given to the child and her family. The idiot had gone to work with the stuff in his pocket, but didn't want to be caught with them, so he'd put the items in an empty Happy Meal box and put it at the back of the store.

Another employee picked up the box - why didn't they notice it wasn't empty? - packed the box and it was given to the family through the Drive-Thru window. The little girl apparently exclaimed, "Daddy, I got two toys in my happy meal!" The father soon realised that the "green stuff" in the box wasn't part of the Shrek promotion.

Perhaps I should change my position on McDonald's and start buying their Crappy Meals for my children! After all, marijuana wouldn't be much worse for their health than Macca's rubbish food.

Sisyphus?

What Dione did last week

I was very busy last week. This is some of the highlights:

~ I sold my big red car. No more Audi (sob)
~ I discovered a new op-shop. It's in the feral, Housing Commission suburb, but so worth braving the bogans to get there. Scored a Tears for Fears CD for $1, a brand new Fred Bare girl's skirt for $2, a Guess leather backpack for $7 and a brand new popcorn machine for $3
~ Joined Freecycle. Now I can help save the world from landfill! Tim Flannery will heart me for it
~ Had some more progress on Project New Toenail. 2mm in two weeks. V.good!
~ I won this round of the family Iron Chef: Birthday Cake unoffical competition. I'll post a photograph of my masterpiece later on
~ Attempted to watch The Sideshow

Duchovny is still HOT

OMG. Here's David Duchovny at work on an ad campaign for his new series Californication. Yum.

If you can stand it, there is more underpants goodness at Just Jared.

Dolphin flips for trainer

Masai's first Cool Human Award goes to this trainer who obviously enjoys the affection of his dolphin friend.

Man/dolphin love... a beautiful thing.

My obese, daggy cat has her own awards now

One of my feline overlords enjoys sitting on my knee while I am reading the papers online. She shows interest if there's an image of what she recognises to be an animal on the page I'm reading. So now she wants me to put something on this site about humans who are kind to animals, especially cats of course.

I said, great idea, Masai! SG-S had his Samuel awards, we can have awards too. We'll be like SG-S and Nattie. Only you're a cat and probably three times the size of that funny little dog.

And if anyone wants to jeer and snigger, well fuck off. When's the last time you saw a cat go on a serial killing spree in an American high school? Or declare war on Iraq? Or raise interest rates? Or be stupid enough to throw away money on a Nigerian scam? Yeah, so shut the fuck up. Cats rock and in many ways are preferable to humans who can be total cunts.

So, with Masai's approval, here's her Award. Woohoo!

And Terri Irwin - bugger off, you're not getting one. You and Bindi are just attention-seeking, money-hungry showponies.

Holy Idol!

Heeeere's Jesus Christ, singing "I Will Survive".

Gigglez.

Boring

Highlights of my day so far:

• Went to Woolworth's to buy some chicken breasts. As I was waiting, ticket number 33 in hand, a local Council inspector went behind the deli counter unannounced and points his little temperature measuring widget at the breasts, then wrote the result in a book. As he moves onto the seafood, the deli supervisor nips over to the butchery to warn them to get ready for the surprise visitor. Exciting stuff.
  

• Dropped in at the local op-shop before going to the gym. I scored a Miss Sixty tshirt for $2, a Little Golden Book and two Spot books for 20 cents each, a Royal Doulton cake serving dish for $6 and a Magic 8 ball for 50 cents. Not sure why I bought the Magic 8 ball though.

• Did my workout. Background music in the gym included shit by Madonna, Rogue Traders and a Donna Summer disco version of Macarthur Park. I hate it when I forget to take my MP3 player.
  

• The post contractor dropped off a fucking great big parcel from the States ten minutes ago. I still haven't opened it. I am enjoying the suspense.

• I vacuumed up all the sand that infiltrates the house that Miss Three brings home from daycare.

Yawn. Life is such excitement.

Another little Aussie battler party

The Nitpicker in me wants to get my big red pen and fix this letter sent to the Newcastle Star's editor. How many One Nation wannabes are there?

Thursday, 26 April 2007
Posted By Stuart Ulrich

The Common Folk

Dear Sir

I am the Leader / Boss of "The Australian Peoples Party and find it extremely disheartening to hear that we common folk have no place in politics.

Nothing you can do about it. Being Australian, there's nothing you can do about anything. Politics is not for your class, it's a reserved occupation, pollies only.

This also amazes me as it is we the people who vote in these people and they say this, who are they to think that we the people have no place in politics and we do not count. It is we the people that make this country go around whether workers or bosses and to be called just common folk is arrogant without a fact.

This party is calling on all people to stand and unite for the people and this nation of ours. If it is common folk these political parties do not want then it is time we stand up in the true spirit of all who have fought for the rights and democracy that we so rightly deserve and not just party dictatorships.

The Australian Peoples Party even though being a party has within its constitution for the right of any person to stand as a candidate and to fully represent their electorate with their full voice with complete backing of the party.

It is time to stand or just play follow the leader with the so called others.
Members and candidates wanted from all of Australia.
Phone, email or visit the website.

Stuart Ulrich
38 Palisade Street
Edgeworth, NSW
2285
swulrich@bigpond.net.au
02 49552883
www.tapp.org.au

I also found an earlier letter from Mr Ulrich.

Letter to the Editor Politics ALP appalls on pay increase
Wednesday, 20 September 2006
Posted By Stuart Ulrich

To the Editor

I had noticed about an article that was in The Star September 20 2006. This article was headed ALP appals on pay increase, and had included unfortunately there is no alternative to vote for.
Have I some news
I have been for sometime trying to get the news out and have just been knocked back time and time again. What do I have to do except to somebody's disapproval to a major party, well here it is and if you would like to know more you have my details.

I am creating a new Political Party and this is from what I have seen that most people couldn't care less about what happens or if so just complains. What can be seen is that people will just follow the Party like sheep, knowing of all the wrongs but finding some excuse. If people stood up for themselves this would become a better nation.

As one would believe Politicians should be there for the people of your areas and not for the normal way of Party Politics, Have I some good news for you. I am not a person who has been to Polly school but from the school of blood sweat and tears, this is what has made our nation.

In Parliament the people and this nation deserve there people, that they have voted in to work for the people and not to be stuffed animals and follow the party line. I believe that if something is not right no matter what, that you have the right and obligation of the people to say so and if this means that bills are not passed or need revamping then this is the case.

Thank you for your time and hope to here from you

Stuart

Bugger off Stuart, I hope never to "here" from you.

By golly, what an unfortunate ad placement

Today when I was flicking through the local free budgie-cage liner, The Newcastle Star, I noticed this. The Kewpie doll is creepy enough, but a Golliwog next to this letter to the editor? OMG the Golliwog is an anti-black caricature!

They should be hung for this offence!

The new Skeletor

What's happened to Cate Blanchett? She's lost weight and it doesn't suit her.

She's pictured at a New York fashion gala to celebrate the work of French designer Paul Poiret, who died in 1944. Our Cate is starting to look like she also died in 1944.

Grant Denyer Outs Himself

What a giggle. Grant Denyer saved helicopter traffic reporter Vic Lorusso having to do the job, by outing himself!

Speaking to Nova Radio’s Merrick and Rosso by phone yesterday (7/5/2007), Grant was asked if he was tired after the Logies as well as taping the new series of the Channel 7 show, It Takes Two.

Grant answered by saying he'd only slept for two hours after the Logies night. “So it was a big old day… let me say I’m feeling like I had sex with a black man right now.”

Grant appeared on 7’s Today Tonight this evening and issued an apology.

“If anyone was offended by that, I certainly do apologise. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn’t go out to offend. It was a wobbly joke, made way too early in the morning.”

It's okay, Grant. I can understand the (ebony) love. I am having this mental picture of Maaarsha Hines givin' it to Grant with her 8" strap-on.

Oh, moist.

Nige54 should try this seduction technique

Saw this in the news section of icWales.co.uk the other day.

How on earth did this woman let this go on as far as it did? Even a 16 year old girl surely wouldn't be as clueless as this idiot. What the accused rapist and his accomplice did was horrible, but I find it incredible that she is described as a 36 year old former teacher, not a mentally retarded person.

"A pilot repeatedly raped a woman in a cruel con which his victim believed was part of an elaborate course of treatment for herpes, a jury heard today.

Syrian-born Fadi Sbano, 38, allegedly conned his victim into handing over hard cash for the cream he administered through sex."

The Britannia Airways pilot, from Edgware, north London, pocketed £5,500 in total in an alleged scam running over several months.

Swansea Crown Court heard today that Sbano originally told his victim, a woman from Pembrokeshire, west Wales, he was dying of cancer.

He claimed he had been told he had just six months to live and that sex was the only way to alleviate his condition.

As a result the woman, 36, a former teacher in a private school, readily agreed to have sex with him in an effort to relieve his pain.

Later she developed an illness which doctors at first believed was typhoid but which was eventually diagnosed as herpes.

At that point Sbano stepped in with what he claimed was advice from a friend who was a consultant regarding the best way to carry out her treatment.

He offered to administer an expensive cream, which he got the woman to pay for, through regular anal sex which he timed with a clock.

He had previously told her that the cream, developed in America, was very expensive and the treatment usually painful.

In evidence she told the court today: “I thought that he was doing it in my interests and for my benefit. I thought I was consenting to a medical procedure.”

Sbano denies nine counts of rape by deception on the woman, in the form of anal sex between January and November 2001.

He also denies 11 separate counts of obtaining cash amounting to £5,500 by deception.

Huw Rees, prosecuting, said Sbano introduced the woman to a Muslim doctor he claimed was a consultant at Royal Marsden Hospital, in London.

He said she claimed the doctor confirmed Sbano was dying of cancer and the defendant later explained how sex alleviated his pain.

“They had sex frequently, sometimes two or three times a day, the prosecution say in a clinical and emotionless manner,” Mr Rees said.

He said Sbano claimed he attended East Surrey Hospital, Redhill, for treatment and the woman would sometimes take him there.

He went on to describe how the woman then developed the symptoms of an illness herself.

“She had a crop of white spots forming around her anus. Typhoid was suspected but tests showed that it was herpes.”

Sbano then claimed to have consulted his friend regarding treatment and suggested sex as the best way to administer it.

Mr Rees said the woman was scared at the prospect of sex in the way it was described but believed what Sbano told her.

“The defendant, it seems, would time the insertions with a clock at the bedside,” Mr Rees added.

“She found it was clinical and unpleasant but she believed that it was the proper application of this cream.”

He said that the treatment as carried out by Sbano would last for between one and 10 minutes on each application.

He said that over time it began to dawn on the woman that Sbano had devised the treatment only to have sex with her on his terms.

She eventually complained to the police about her alleged treatment at his hands. By then she had returned to live in west Wales.

After his arrest Sbano claimed he knew nothing about the treatment and alleged the woman had “concocted the whole story”.

The trial was adjourned until tomorrow.

A pilot repeatedly raped a woman in a cruel con which his victim believed was part of an elaborate course of treatment for herpes, a jury heard today.

Syrian-born Fadi Sbano, 38, allegedly conned his victim into handing over hard cash for the cream he administered through sex.

The Britannia Airways pilot, from Edgware, north London, pocketed £5,500 in total in an alleged scam running over several months.

Swansea Crown Court heard today that Sbano originally told his victim, a woman from Pembrokeshire, west Wales, he was dying of cancer.

He claimed he had been told he had just six months to live and that sex was the only way to alleviate his condition.

As a result the woman, 36, a former teacher in a private school, readily agreed to have sex with him in an effort to relieve his pain.

Later she developed an illness which doctors at first believed was typhoid but which was eventually diagnosed as herpes.

At that point Sbano stepped in with what he claimed was advice from a friend who was a consultant regarding the best way to carry out her treatment.

He offered to administer an expensive cream, which he got the woman to pay for, through regular anal sex which he timed with a clock.

He had previously told her that the cream, developed in America, was very expensive and the treatment usually painful.

In evidence she told the court today: “I thought that he was doing it in my interests and for my benefit. I thought I was consenting to a medical procedure.”

Sbano denies nine counts of rape by deception on the woman, in the form of anal sex between January and November 2001.

He also denies 11 separate counts of obtaining cash amounting to £5,500 by deception.

Huw Rees, prosecuting, said Sbano introduced the woman to a Muslim doctor he claimed was a consultant at Royal Marsden Hospital, in London.

He said she claimed the doctor confirmed Sbano was dying of cancer and the defendant later explained how sex alleviated his pain.

“They had sex frequently, sometimes two or three times a day, the prosecution say in a clinical and emotionless manner,” Mr Rees said.

He said Sbano claimed he attended East Surrey Hospital, Redhill, for treatment and the woman would sometimes take him there.

He went on to describe how the woman then developed the symptoms of an illness herself.

“She had a crop of white spots forming around her anus. Typhoid was suspected but tests showed that it was herpes.”

Sbano then claimed to have consulted his friend regarding treatment and suggested sex as the best way to administer it.

Mr Rees said the woman was scared at the prospect of sex in the way it was described but believed what Sbano told her.

“The defendant, it seems, would time the insertions with a clock at the bedside,” Mr Rees added.

“She found it was clinical and unpleasant but she believed that it was the proper application of this cream.”

He said that the treatment as carried out by Sbano would last for between one and 10 minutes on each application.

He said that over time it began to dawn on the woman that Sbano had devised the treatment only to have sex with her on his terms.

She eventually complained to the police about her alleged treatment at his hands. By then she had returned to live in west Wales.

After his arrest Sbano claimed he knew nothing about the treatment and alleged the woman had “concocted the whole story”.

The trial was adjourned until tomorrow."

Quote from: Pilot 'raped woman in herpes treatment con', icWales.co.uk, 24/04/2007

Ratsak

A rat with a Brazilian or a back, sac and crack? They must have used a tiny razor.

My old Hornby set wasn't this much fun

Now for a bit of public transport blogging. I can't rattle on about changes to ACTION bus timetables like the fabulous Samuel Gordon-Stewart, so this will have to do.

This incident occurred last year. I wonder if the long arm of the law eventually caught up with this minx?

MELBOURNE'S train temptress has struck again.

However police and rail officials have met to plan an end to her saucy crime spree.

The woman broke into a cabin on a peak-hour Frankston train on Tuesday night and broadcast X-rated praise of the driver to stunned commuters.

The husky-voiced intruder is believed to be the serial seductress behind a similar break-in and announcement on the Sandringham line last week.

The trespasser evaded capture by authorities on both occasions.

As her break-in broadcasts become more frequent, longer and more detailed, pressure is building for Connex to catch the profane prankster before more commuters are subject to her sexy speeches.

"There was a woman on the address system. It was very graphic about how she was going to have sex with a driver for about three minutes," said Angela, a passenger on the Frankston-bound train.

"I thought she was in cahoots with the driver."

Angela said there were families on board unhappy their children were exposed to the content.

Passengers on the trains during both incidents believed the woman was in the cabin with the driver or was a voice on a 1900 sex call.

The broadcasts are now thought to be the work of a lone female hijacking the PA system in vacant train cabins.

Police are scanning CCTV footage from stations to identify her.

Ticket inspectors have been briefed to be on the lookout for the woman.

"When the train comes to a stop at a station it is easy for them to slip out of the cab and merge with other passengers," said Connex spokesman Andrew Cassidy said.

Connex yesterday discussed the incidents with Transit Safety Division officers.

Connex has said some people are aware of a weakness that allows them to force their way into vacant cabins and hijack the PA.

They said the flaw would be fixed this year.

I wish I'd been on that train! The most excitement I've had were the guy who flashed at the Sydney-Newcastle express and the retarded woman who chatted to her Arrowroot biscuits before inserting them in her ears. Oh, nearly forgot, and the night I spent on the train with the boyfriend of the time. Yeah.








Quote from News.com.au
Photographs nicked from somewhere on the interwebs.

India Has Talent

If Little Superstar appeared on Australia Has Talent, I'd watch the show. I'd even manage to ignore Dannii Minogue, Red Symons and whatsisname.

From Wikipedia:

"Little Superstar is an Internet phenomenon, consisting of a video of Thavakalai, an Indian actor, dancing to MC Miker G & DJ Sven's remix of the Madonna song Holiday, in a clip from a 1990 Tamil movie Adhisaya Piravi, featuring actor Rajnikanth. Various mashups have also appeared on the Internet using tracks from Cypress Hill, Michael Jackson and others.

"The clip is from India and is a product of the Chennai (Madras) movie industry, otherwise known as Kollywood. The little person in the clip is actually an adult actor, whose stage name is "Thavakalai" (Tamil for "frog"). Thavakalai made his acting debut in the 1983 Tamil movie "Mundhanai Mudichu" (director K. Bhagyaraj) and has appeared in several movies since then, usually playing the role of a child sidekick."

Love the Osmond teeth.

I've been working on the railroads

I worked for the State Rail Authority of NSW and its later incarnation, CityRail for almost a decade. Here's a snapshot of a bunch of rail employees from all over the state circa 1987. We'd gathered in the old rail employees' hall next to Central Station, Sydney, for an information session for some customer survey or other. It was always worth volunteering for these wankfests because you'd get paid well for doing very little. Come to think of it, that was what working for the railways was like all the time. Even the large number of workers on light duties because they were suffering from the condition 'Mediterranean Back' managed to get in on the action.

Here's a larger version of the photograph.

I am not really a blogger

This 'blog' was not really meant to be. It's just an illegimate child conceived by accident. So I'm going to treat it with the disdain it deserves - litter it with low-brow crap - no politics, no social observation and nothing really original.

I may tidy it up or I may just trash it with Comic Sans MS and even more bad design. I may post here before I abandon it eventually.

I'll just amuse myself with it for a while and pretend to be one of the fabulous people of the bloggerati.

(Ebony) men light my fire

Another way of getting a bigger penis on the internet?

Or is that a tampon string?

Fuck you h8ters!

I see that a couple of trolls have left their skid marks on my Blog.

Well, you're too late. I've already been hoisted onto my own petard by a rooly famous person, so your insults are insignificant in comparison.

Check out her style. Respect!



(Click here for full size version)

Silly bint thinks I'm responsible for this!

This man could save Paris Hilton!